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Sunday, September 14, 2008

i do know that it's not esophogeal cancer

I have meningitis.

This self-diagnosis is based on two primary symptoms:

1. My neck hurts.
2. I watch House.

I get sick this way atLEAST twice a year, in the spring and in the fall, and for additional fun, at times in the winter. My family will catch something and pass it along to each other, and I'm able to avoid it until the change of season hits, and then I have no choice: I can no longer avoid the plugged ears, the itchy throat (itchy throat!), the runny nose (which can be stuffy at the same time! What the...?), the watery eyes, the sore throat, the cough, the et cetera et cetera, my violin, please.

Why don't I take something for it? Because I'm a martyr. Because I'm a-nursin' me babe. If I take something to dry up the mucous (what horrible imagery with that phrase), the milk dries up, too. Martyr.

Instead, I take Ibuprofen for the headache (which I know is okay since they give that to me after childbirth, alternating with narcotics), and spray Chloraseptic for the sore throat. And, I use about a million tissues.

I get a little snobby (snotty?) about tissue-usage. It needs to be soft, but not with lotion because when you blow your nose as often as I do, the skin breaks and when the lotion gets on broken skin -- owee. I prefer the Kleenex brand, in packages from Costco, the small upright boxes, not the rectangular boxes. There is a box in every room of my house (except for the kids' rooms and the play room), and when we are out, it is a priority of mine to buy more Kleenex rather than use toilet paper. I don't know why, because I'm also a toilet paper snob, so that stuff is soft, too.

When I can rest while sick, I'll lay down, or atleast sit down. I have my box of tissues, and I blow my nose and...I put the used tissue on the floor. Five-to-seven minutes later, I repeat. I end up having a small mountain of snotty tissues at my feet or side. My roommates hated this, but, hey, what am I going to do, get up every single time I blow my nose, walk to the trash can and then wash my hands? No, silly. I'm sick, remember? After the pile has grown sufficiently, or after I wake up, or when it's time to cuddle someone or feed someone else, I get up, take the pile to the trash, wash my hands, and then proceed. It's all about efficiency.

Perhaps I should have a small trash basket in each room as well.

**seriously, regarding the previous post: the show is on Monday night, the 22nd. Who wants to go with me?? We can call it our own li'l family home evening...


QueenScarlett said...

You poor thing...and I don't like taking stuff about some tea?? Lot's of warm herbal tea with honey. I also take a spoonful of honey in the morning and evening when I'm sick.

I am a toilet paper snob/kleenex snob (I like the square boxes too). I tried that recycled toilet paper from Costco in an effort to be green... it is not worth it. My Charmin is the only thing I use.

Emily said...

You are so funny. Have you thought that maybe this could be some sort of allergies!??! Change in season?!?!? I don't know, I don't have allergies...but your symptoms sound like Nate's...he has horrible allergies.

But if it were me...I would keep milkin' it. Mom's deserve a little pampering now and then...especially when you don't feel good.

Unknown said...

Oh, hon, I'm sorry. You should probably check out the allergy thing...the itchy throat? Straight out of the book. (They don't usually mention things like that on House, too ordinary.) Also, my mom is a tissue/TP snob and yes, she has small wastebaskets in every room. (In some rooms she has two...)

~j. said...

Sorry, maybe I should have specified: I know I have allergies. I've been tested, and I even used to get shots on a regular basis (another thing I'll pick up again once I'm done nursing). I also have crappy sinus problems, for which I use a sinus rinse (gross).

I really like the idea of tea and honey...

L. Mo said...

So sorry to hear you are not feeling you best. I was wondering where you were today. Hope you get feeling better soon.

sue-donym said...

Maybe you could strap a garbage sack around your neck? Just a thought...

Thanks for the demo last night. It was cool!

Shar said...

That blows. Get it? Anyway, that sucks you feel so yucky. Not fun.

I, like you, only like the small, upright Kleenex boxes, not the rectangle ones.

Nothing beats a good narcotic.

Geo said...

Here's my take on sick-tea:

lots of fresh lemon juice (or there's a really yummy organic kind they sell at The Good Earth)


lots of honey

+ fresh, finely grated ginger (or dried and ground works too)

all in the bottom of your big mug


boiling water to top it off


get into a warm bath filled with bath salts or baking soda and something that smells nice and steep yourself while sipping your sick tea



Rynell said...

I second what Geo said about baths and tasty hot drinks such as hers. I practically live in the bath or shower when I am sick.

The thing I hate about back-to-school time is that my kids get sick (so far 3 viruses in a month) and then share them with me.

I hope you feel better soon!

Adriane said...

No fun...I have to sya that you are such a great story teller. I thought I'd go back and read some of your old posts and holy are hilarious! Mark always talked fondly about you back in the Garage Sale days. I especially liked reading about your husbands call to the Stake Presidency...thanks for sharing something so personal. You are beautiful and I hope all is going well with your amazing family. Maybe when you are feeling better we caould meet again. Have a fabulous day! And that will be awesome if you get to see LB.

leschornmom said...

I could have written that post! What I hate as much as the constant drip-of-the-nose is the head ache... For me it's every sound, light, turn of the head that feels like a hammer whacking you on the top of the head.
Johns out of town right now and wouldn't you know it! I get my 2x-a-year-feel-like-crap-sleep-all-day-(as well as you can with 8 kids in the house anyway)-loose your-voice-down-right-nasty-COLD!
Well I'll be thinking of (and praying for) you!!!!

Kim -today's creative blog said...

You won the jewelry box for $25. Please email me
paypal to

heather said...

i watch house too, and i'm pretty sure you have sarcoidosis.

...but seriously, i hope you feel better soon :)


...phread said...

Hello formerly, I am currently...

Get well soon.

Claire, said...

Do you drink diet soda, eat artificial sweetener, it's hidden in chewing gums and yogurts these days.
Aspartame is an artificial sweetener which causes symptoms like you speak of.

Jen said...

hhhmmm... You need to write my sister She spends way too much time researching symptoms- she always has the solution. House can always help too. oohhh- also, Travis from the Bachelor also has a new show called The Doctors. It really helps me justify my own hypochondria!

~j. said...

h - your sarcodosis comment made me LOL. out loud.

of course, i could have diagnosed sarcoidosis if i weren't such an IDiot.

Is there a house/sarcoidosis drinking game? there should be.

~j. said...

phread - nice to meet cha. thanks, I'm feeling better already.

claire - let's see...never diet soda (hardly any soda at all -- less than one can per month), rarely gum and I wish I liked yogurt, but I don't. Thanks for the suggestions, though.

~j. said...

jen - hey, i won your sister's auction!