Friday, August 31, 2007

on my way back

A month on, a month off. If you're reading this, thank you for checking back in. I just needed some time to consider where blogging fits into my life. I'm still considering . . .

I remember when, shortly after I began blogging, I put up a post which said, essentially, if you're reading this, please comment. At that time, I had a statcounter -- it was a temporary statcounter, I wouldn't even know now how to access it if I tried. But on that particular day, I tracked the statcounter, and the next day, my post was something akin to, "Hey, I checked my statcounter, and more people are reading than are commenting. What gives?!" For some reason, my feelings were hurt. I think we (who blog) all go through that: our 'blog-esteem' depends on number of comments. It's crazy, but it's a reality -- and what a waste! See, somehow, that was insulting to me -- insulting! Can you imagine?! It spilled over into my real life, and . . . yuck! How embarrassing that I'm even owning up to this: that I felt unworthy, unwanted because of a lack of comments on a webpage. Yikes. But on that second post, where I express my frustration at lack of comments, my friend Gracie J. Brunswick replied: Just who are you writing for, anyway? How interesting that she would ask such a thing -- it was just what I needed to hear/read, and I've thought about that comment ever since. What, or who, are we writing for? Also, what are we reading for?

In the past few weeks, I've considered that as I've not blogged, not read too many other blogs, and just considered my own life in general. I won't detail that ongoing search here, but I will tell you what you can expect from me, here, in this forum: stories from my life. Rants. Raves. My opinions. My questions. My complaints (which I too often worry show up only on my blog, casting me as the eternal pessimist, but hey -- this is a good place for me to let it out). Occassional photos. Most of all: MY TRUTH. It's me, and it's real, and I can't explain how okay I am with it all.

See ya real soon.

21 comments:

JC said...

Woo-hoo! I'm first! And welcome back. :)

AzĂșcar said...

I just want you to be you. That’s why I like you so much: who else can be you?

compulsive writer said...

Sooooo glad you're back. That is exactly what I come here to read--whatever it is you want to write.

I love what you said about blog-esteem. I've gone the rounds with that one too--not so much over how many comments, but rather who's not leaving comments. When longtime friends seem to comment on every post but mine, sometimes I can't help wondering if they hate my writing or if I somehow bore or offend them. It's weird and insecure, I know. But it is what it is. And so is my blog.

In any case, I love your voice. I love that you keep it real. I think we need more of that in blogland, not less. So fire away.

La Yen said...

Sometimes I don't comment because I don't want you to get all uppity.

Lucky Red Hen said...

I don't get a gazillion comments either. However, have you ever looked up your blog's worth? I just did and it said "Your blog, formerlyphread.blogspot.com/, is worth $11,290.80!" I know a lot people who's at ZERO (but don't compare yourself to others, I'm just saying that's a LOT). So there!

Anonymous said...

Hey Momma - I'm glad that you've resurrected the need to write and just give it up the way you know you can. I appreciate your frank honesty, the insight with which you communicate your soul, and the amazing witty remarks that you have a way of drawing out of the dullest of folk...cough cough*even I commented* LOL Yeah, I'm not a huge blog fan, but I am a huge Jenny fan - so props to you Noony. I heart you mucho!

Anonymous said...

And I don't know why I show up as "anonymous" but if that is the new spelling of my name (Kuulei) then cool - way more letters and less meaning, its like a wedgy...holy freak.

Kerrianne Lehnhof Burch said...

hey you. I'm glad you're back too. I've often felt the same things, but realized sorta, that my blog is more for me than anything. I print the posts and keep them in what I'll oneday call my journal for this period of my life...

I look forward to checking in on your 'ranting and raving' it's great.

luv ya - ker

Geo said...

I definitely understand what you've been working through.

Lots of thoughts on this, but the one that dominates right now is that blogging is exactly like the rest of life. There are so many unseen and unheard participants in our lives, others who love, adore, relate, and care. Whether you get obvious feedback or not, you (and they with you) are creating something important as you articulate and reveal your life.

MOM said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so glad you are back. I love your blog, your wit, your writing in general. Some of the things you mentioned are the exact reasons I never follow through on my thought to start a blog. Who would it be for? But sometimes I think I need to rant, rave, vent to more than just those in my immediate vicinity. And to get comments from people not in my line of life. Anyway, I am glad you are back. How do they calculate how much your blog is worth?

*natalie* said...

hi jenny...i'm glad you are back. i've been checking to see when it would happen. and i haven't seen you at the big c either lately...what's going on? we still need to get together for lunch. can't wait for more posts.

more caffeine, please said...

I love your blog and hence I love you too even though I've never met you. Wierd? And I love your funny comments you give to me. AND, I get about 1/100 comments vs. visits to my site so whatever. I check your blog every day but most of the time I can't comment because the 21 pound baby is on my lap dominating my keyboard. Rock on with the writing, okay?

sue-donym said...

The main reason I don't leave many comments on people's blogs is that I just can't think of anything clever enough to say. Then people might judge me by my lame comments and here we go all over again. More insecurity than I can handle in one day.


I am really really glad you are back.

Hey we have the same credit union!

Anonymous said...

I'm not going to tell you how much I love your blog or anything like that. I'm just going to say Hey and What's up and tell you that you should mind your brizness, bookay? I am glad you're feeling better about your self and stuff, because I never thought you were just a blogger any dang way.

Welcome back (to what is essentially nowhere, after all.) Welcome back to your living room.

waldo

swampbaby said...

Welcome back! I rarely comment on anyone's blog, so don't take it personally. I am glad you are back, though, and enjoy your writing.

~j. said...

jc - thanks! and congrats on being first!

azu'car - thank you. Lucky for me, that's exactly who I am.

cw - awwww...shucks. I agree that we need more real in blogland.

yen - whatev. My life's freakin' awesome.

lucky - very nice. Too bad I can't cash that in, eh? I don't compare myself to others -- anymore. (ps - did you get that thing I sent ya?)

anonymous kuulei - Thanks for those compliments! I love reading your stuff, too, and will be posting your work soon.


ker - That's such a good idea, to print your posts. I've thought about doing that, too...

geo - thanks for that analogy. I hadn't really thought of it in those terms. And, again, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

mom - you're welcome. Only Shannon would be able to know a blog's worth.

nat - yes, lunch! I've been at Costco, but haven't seen you...opposite schedules these days? Maybe I'll see you more often after my kids start school (very soon).

mcp - YOUR comment here was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, thank you.

sue - few relationships can top that of sharing a credit union.

w - you mind YOU brizness, BOOOKAAAY????

swampbaby - thanks for commenting, and for reading. How are you?

Tori :) said...

Yeah- don't take it personally. Swampbaby hardly comments on her sister's blog!!
I like your rants and raves. :)

ash said...

I check your blog daily, but sometimes think that you will think I'M crazy for commenting since we've only met once in-real-life. Hence the self esteem issues of commenting come into play as well.

Glad your back.

~j. said...

Thanks, tori! I love reading your blog, too...LOVE the Tad Award. Always gives me a chuckle, as well as the occassional groan.

ash - you are a sweetie! How are you?

Chelle said...

Chiming in to say how much I appreciated this post. So glad to know I'm not the only one that grapples with what my blog *is* and *isn't* and the whole stupid comment thing. I've been disappointed in myself for how much weight I put on the comment portion of the blog in the beginning. It's getting better. I suspect it's a blogging metamorphosis that all must pass through?

And with all that I'll tell you that many times I've clicked over to your blog from Cjanes and loved what you've written. And then I can't think of even ONE clever thing to say in the comment section. So I think about it for a minute and conclude that I don't need any more pressure in my life... so I leave without commenting. sad, sad. You've gotta admit, it seems the regular commenters here are pretty freakin' clever. Is that a Provo thing? (that was kinda clever, don't you think?) ha.

So the point of this novel-size comment is this: love your blog, love your honesty. Hope you keep writing.

~j. said...

chelle - THANK YOU for leaving that comment. I want people to feel they can say whatever they want to say here. I appreciate your honesty, and your compliments. You are always welcomed here.