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Friday, September 25, 2009


This is a mental-barf post, so if it doesn't make sense, Never You Mind.

I am feeling so many different things right now. I'm all rage-y but I don't want to talk about it because I'm also feeling so fortunate, so blessed, so grateful. It's crazy. Am I crazy? I'm mad, that's for certain.

I just....ugh. I just don't want to talk (or write) about it, but I feel like I need to get it out. How mad I am. How betrayed I feel. How it's not fair. For me, for her. How angry (ANGRY!!!) I am at that friend who [__________________________], how even more angry I am for even being angry about it. How mean that was. And is. How clueless and hurtful some are. How helpless I am to do certain things for posterity -- things just are the way they are. How angrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry I am, and these rage-y tears on the brim, and I just want to scream. scream. Specifics aren't important tonight, I just need to unclench my jaw and let it all out.

How grateful. How wonderful tomorrow will be. happy tears just thinking about it Happy tears on the brim while asking if she's excited. in seeing her smile and nod. Happy tears at the sacrifice of those who are here FOR HER, and not just cute, demure tears, but sobby, gulpy, ugly-noises tears which bring me to my knees in gratitude for being able to share my life with this caliber. and those who support and surround. and my new awesome haircut, but that's just a frosting flower.

So, to change the yucky topic and go do The Freakin' Laundry and get me thinking of something else before i push 'publish post', let me show you one of the places I went this morning:

I went to Flour Girls and Dough Boys in American Fork to see my friends from X96 broadcast their morning show.

These guys answered questions about themselves and their film.

Perhaps this establisment might consider curtains for the morning hours. Or, at the least, hanging up more Aprons For Sale.

No, Richie, you don't look gay at all when you wear that girl's sweater which covers the B and the R on your t-shirt.


c-dub said...

1. hugs. BIG HUGS!

2. one of these days i'm going to bale on my kids and hit one of these events with you.

p.s. love that you said the words "frosting flower."

p.p.s can't wait to see your new hair.

(i want new hair.)

wendysue said...

Love you ~j. But you already know that because I'm still standing here with all your "mental-barf" on my jammmies. (I really did try to catch it in my hands first. . .)

smile. and breathe.

La Yen said...

Three words:


Bunsies said...

LOL & when Yen said

lisa said...

Mental barf...Good term. Right now I'm sending you some mental toothpaste and a mental hot water bottle. Hope it gets better. Love you lots!

Kaerlig said...

I know Rage-y and happy grateful.

Whatever you are writing about, I feel it in my own way.

Adriane said...

I love you ~j...Would love to see your cute haircut and give you a big hug!!