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Friday, June 22, 2007

so you think you can blog

One of my new hobbies this summer is watching So You Think You Can Dance (or, for those of us who search YouTube later, SYTYCD). The other day I was watching Benji (last year's winner) perform when my husband came into the room.

"You know," I told him, "he's a mormon. I thought I had heard that he was from Orem, but his sister's in the competition this year, and I guess they're from Redlands."

"Oh, really?" (my husband is from Redlands) After a few minutes of watching, Darin asked, "So what's he doing now?"

"Dancing. He travels around the world, I think he has his own studio. Dancing is what he does. He's a dancer."

This exchange gave me pause: What Am I? I used to think I could dance. I even won a few dance contests in my day. But am I a dancer? Hardly.

I used to think I could sing. I was the biggest fish in my li'l pond. Headed For Big Things. I think we're all rock stars in our heads - or at least in our cars. But I never found my style; I can't stand most songs that I ever sing in a church setting, and at this point in my life, I sadly don't have any other outlets in that arena. So am I a singer? Not now.

Two of my favorite friends recently had a discussion at my house about how they each have a sister who was Born To Be A Mom, as evidenced by how Together they always are, how On Top Of It they can be, and, essentially, what they spend their lives doing. It made me wonder, was I Born To Be A Mom? I think so, but I don't know that others see me that way.

Right now, I'm sitting here in a shirt & skirt -- this is Day #3 for both, but I'll probably take a shower and change that today. The baby is happily in his doorway-jumper-thing; Superstar just put a diaper on herself (because she said she wants to be a baby today and NOT wear underwear); Curly is downstairs watching Curious George; Li'l ~j. is asleep in my bed. I have laundry to do, dishes to wash, rooms to clean; I likely won't brush my girls' hair today, at their own request, which will result in tears on Sunday morning as I brush out a week's worth of tangles. When I do get my shower today, it will be at the expense of a room messed up, or leaves pulled off the plant in my living room, or laundry unfolded and flung around the family room, and most certainly teasing and screaming. Breakfast will be toast or cereal. Lunch will be Kraft Dinner or Ramen. I have no idea what we'll do for dinner, but experience tells me it will probably be pancakes. Li'l ~j. has been instructed by her papi to clean her room before she does anything else today; I'm the one who has to enforce that. I'll be listening to the radio and writing down songs in an effort to win The Damned Contest and the money that goes with it, all the while fielding, and denying the request of, the same question asked a million times: Can we PLEASE go to Veteran's Pool today??? I'll put the baby in his crib for a nap; in theory, I'll do this twice; in reality, I'll do it seven times because his screaming sisters will wake him up. I'll get a phone call from my mom and four calls from telemarketers. I'll put sunscreen on the girls so that they can go outside to play. I'll try to get to the still unpacked suitcases in my room from our trip to NY a few weeks ago, but who knows if that will happen. I'll change what feels like seventy-eight diapers and STILL be trying to talk Superstar into wearing underwear instead of a diaper. I'll yell to the girls to keep the door closed and STOP FIGHTING. I'll put Bubby in his high chair two or three more times today and feed him baby food from a jar and some cheerios. I'll check my blog for comments. I'll make five bottles of 7 ounces of formula. I'll fill two juice cups a dozen times each, one with apple juice and one with lemonade. I'll have to take my earrings out because Bubby will pull on them. I'll keep my necklace on because Bubby will play with it. I'll eat toast and watermelon for breakfast and for lunch. I'll want to go running when Darin gets home -- not because I love running (because I don't), but because it's what I've been doing and I need to keep at it. I'll plan on the house being clean before I go to bed, but stay up too late to see that it happens, defeating my goal of going to bed at a decent hour since I'm taking the Activity Days girls to the Y tomorrow in the early morning.

Does it seem that I Have It All Together? Probably not. I'm not invested in 100% Organic, or going to put my kids' hair in bows today, or have a spotless kitchen. But with all that I have to do today, even writing it out isn't a stress for me because I love it. I'm a mommy and it's what I choose to do, and it's what I'm great at. Even if others don't see it. I used to think I could dance and sing, but Mommying is what I do.

So...I think I can Mommy.

What can you do? And who are you?


More Caffiene, Please said...

This was a great post. I loved it - it was just what I needed to read today.

And good luck with winning the money honey.

La Yen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
La Yen said...

I have always thought that you were born to be a mommy, and even better, that you were born to be a mommy who makes other people think that they could be mommies. You were my biggest inspiration that I could do it, because the sister that is perfect makes me feel inadequate. You are approachable and know your priorities--the kids.

sue-donym said...

You mommy like no one's business. (and it really isn't)

I have no doubt that your kids know exactly how much they are loved by you, and how they are your number one priority.

The kitchen can wait.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. What they said.

Right now it feels like the only thing I can do is figure out how to get our clients what they want.

But success at work doesn't really count because A). they don't pay me enough for what I do and B). No matter how damn good I am at my job I am constantly reminded that no success can compensate for failure in the home so my shortcomings there are all I see.

Anonymous said...

You are a great MOMMY! you could have been a dancer--but you chose to be a mommy. You could have been a singer-- but you chose to be a mommy. You could have been a bass guitarist-- but you chose to be a mommy. You could have been an English teacher-- but you chose to be a mommy. You could have been anything you chose, but you chose the most important thing. You chose to do it well. You probably wouldn't have done too well as an accountant or a math teacher. Love you.

Carina said...

Thanks, CW, for perfectly synthesizing how I feel.

I think I am a good friend. I am creative, that doesn't just mean in a crafty way, or in a cooking way, I mean I am creative in lots of ways, that's who I am. I like to create a new way of doing something.

And you gots mommy skillz.

i i eee said...

You're a good mom.

Anonymous said...

This is me again still avoiding that batch of dishes in the sink...

Here's what I love ~j about your being able to Mommy. Not only can you do it, you have this knack about discovering contentment in it--despite the craziness of it all--that I truly admire. (Not that I don't love being a mom, but I often overlooked the contentment part.)

AzĂșcar--you make a damn fine cake.

Geo said...

~j., you just described yourself in a way that convinces me that good mommying is also good dancing. You are most graceful!

I am a SPY: Watching from a dark corner of my backyard last night, I audiotaped a neighbor out on his balcony while he was tripping on some drug (or the lack thereof), loudly cursing unseen enemies with his inner pentagram, fighting, spitting, and threatening them with his invisible horns. Then I called the cops.

Tiffany UnTwisted said...

I love being Mommy. I hate being Tiffany. Are we allowed to resign our names at some point? Ooo .. maybe I want to do that AFTER the teenage years when Mommy comes back in style!

I think you have a fabulous sounding life :) And bows and clean attire are SO overrated!

Anonymous said...

I love it, I totally feel your day. I have to say I used to be a dancer, and a singer also. NOw I am in the sameboat, I am a mommy. I am also a fabulous friend, and a great sister. I am a taker-carer of...meaning I take care of everything, everyone and anything. SOmetimes I despise this role, but most of the time I just roll with it. I really loved reading this today.

QueenScarlett said...

I love what your Mom said. Leave it to your Mom to say it exactly right. I think you rock.

Geo's spy comment made me laugh. ;-)

I'm a Mommy AND... a damn fine scathing letter, email, phone call complaint woman... I also am extremely loyal. I am an appreciator of the arts...and lover of books. I'm a great... don't know it...but let's learn it kind of a gal. I don't get jealous of other's good fortune...I celebrate it and learn from them.

ps. Once I find a box...I'm sending the stuff to my sister... and it'll have the bruschetta (you) and... pecan pralines (for AZ).