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Thursday, July 21, 2005

my list...

I listen to a lot of radio. The show I listen to in the mornings has a feature where every week they present a "list of things that must go", alternating weeks with their personal lists and listeners' lists. I had my list read once. It included, among other things, people who bring a radio to a sporting event so that they can listen to the event they're attending. The lists can get pretty nasty. The idea behind this feature is that if you can hear this list, and you're doing what is listed, just STOP. It's all about making the world a better place.

My list here today is different. It is not meant to offend, nor to send a message to anyone that they must stop anything at all. It is merely my own list of things I could do without.

Lest you get the impression that I think myself without flaw, let me assure you that I am fully aware that there are many, many things about myself that most others could do without. Namely, my being so particular about loading my dishwasher and doing my laundry - you'd think that a person so concerned with these chores would do them more often. Also, my manner of divulging a seven-minute diatribe in response to a simple question when a five-word answer will suffice (I've actually seen my "friends" cast looks at one another when I do this). And, of course, my ridiculous habit (obsession) of watching movies over and over and over and over, memorizing and analyzing them...and I prefer to watch movies with the subtitles on.

I know there are more. No need to enlighten me.

Once again, I'm not trying to single people or behaviors out with any malicious intent...I just need to get these out in the open, and hey - it's my blog.

My list of things I could do without:

~ Albertson's grocery store on the corner of 500 West and Center Street in Provo: I hate you. You smell like garbage water. For the love, take some lysol - I know it's there, I've seen it in aisle 18 - and soak yourself. I hate your slow checkout lines and those round turntable belt-thingeys. Most of all, I hate that you're on the way home.

~ The sound of diesel trucks.

~ Olives.

~ Now, I am not a fashion expert, but I have to say this: Nylons with open-toed shoes. C'mon, ladies. It's summer. Wear those sandals with prettily painted toes, not hose. Hm. Toes not hose. Maybe that can be my new platform.

~ Wet socks. Worse is just one wet sock.

~ People asking me if Curly's hair (all of my girls' hair, actually) is naturally curly. Seriously? What's the alternative? That I took her to a stylist and she just sat reverently at a salon for three hours waiting for a perm to set? (Have you met my children?) Does it look like a hairstyle that I'd give her because it's so easy to style? Because she likes it when I brush all the tangles out?

~ Again with the fashion: denim and flip-flops at church. Denim is just too cazh. And while I realize that flip-flops have come a long way recently and are considered as something that can be worn with anything from a swimsuit to a cocktail dress, I just can't get over the fact that theyr'e, well, flip flops and they're at church.

~ Madonna.

~ People talking about how they don't like pizza. You don't like pizza? - fine. But when you talk about it in front of other people, even brag about it, it makes you look like a communist, which you are

This list will grow, probably. Maybe what's on it will change. Maybe not.

What's on your list?


Anonymous said...

Oh, I TOTALLY agree with you about the Albertson's! It is so trashy! And flip-flops and GUM at church really bug me. Even worse was when I saw someone start chewing gum in the temple -- not my idea of reverent.

Thanks for the blogs --they're great to read!

SemiMBA said...

Wow - I guess that is three that beleive Albertson's blows! The one in Fremont stinks and they never clean the carts. I complained four or five times until I got sick of complaining. I now trek out to Whole Foods in San Ramon for food. More expensive, but you get what you pay for and it is very clean.

BTW: ditto on the blog. You write very well!

C. Jane Kendrick said...

i hate:
1.cell phones AND flip flops at church
2.that madonna pretends she has a british accent...she thinks she is so "brilliant" trying to pull that one on us all
3.when people ask if claire and jane came from the same father-hey i'm no hooch...
4.when parents dress thier kids like they are "mini-adults" hate hate HATE that.
my list will grow, and change too i'll keep you updated if you keep me updated!

Anonymous said...

Hey! what's all this nonsense about no flip-flops at church... I happen to like my flip flops and I'll have you all know that I even wore mine at the temple when I got married (they were very white and very clean, thank you very much) and jenny don't give me that garbage about it not being personal, I know you've been just looking for a chance to criticize my flip-flops since the day we first met. It was obvious when you asked me what my favorite temple was.
And just so you all know, I also hate Albertsons, especially when I've promised my kids at SSV that I would buy them a candybar if they wouldn't kill my substitute.
(words I had to look up to post this comment: nonsense,criticize)

~j. said...

Partridge - i have to disagree with the gum thing - in my case, it is more rude to NOT have gum in my mouth. Same goes for many temple workers (which is why they have the little dishes filled with mints, in theory - notice they're always full). It's chomping gum that's annoying.

semimba - welcome. thank you for your comments. I prefer Maceys (a grocery store in UT, not a dept. store) for my food. It's Food 4 Less Prices without the atmosphere (also gross). ps - do catholics go to utah for vacation??

stephanie - do people HONESTLY ask you if your kids are from different fathers? what a load. and, oh yeah - that fake accent thing also goes for natalie merchant. she's from my hometown, which is everything the opposite of british.

MONICA NOONAN. shame on you. i was absolutely serious about not taking things personally. I am well aware that you wore flippy floppies on your wedding day. I was there. Don't take it personally...there was another thing I wanted to put on my list but didn't, and that was: little cards in wedding announcements saying where people are registered. TACKY. You know I want people to register - I MADE you & James register - but ask if you want to know. Or guess. Or I'll just tell you - they're registered at Target.

Monica, start a blog. Please. I need updates on you and Ellie. Can I call her Ellie?

Anonymous said...

I have never heard of Albertson's. But I'm in love with Wegmans, and I will wish you all pleasant thoughts of them expanding to the west...

I dislike pantyhose. They suck. There is nothing good about them.

~j. said...

you hate pantyhose because you are pregnant. and because you are a human. and because they're called pantyhose.

i, too, love wegmans, and i tell my western friends tales of the marketplace, take photos when i'm's heaven.


Just passing through... I'm guessing you were listening to x96? (I used to live in Utah)

#1 on my list of things that should go? dishes that are not dishwasher safe! I mean, who has time to actually wash them by hand?!

and my disagreement? flip flops. For those of us who prefer to be barefoot ALL THE TIME, flip flops are considered a step up. At least I wear shoes to church. LOL

I enjoy your blog, thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Jenny, This was great. Is Emma's hair natural? It reminds of when Sarah said she wanted a perm like yours! I said it was natural and Dave said he didn't realize that. People will pay for hair like yours and your girls! Figure a way to package it.
I TOTALLY AGREE on the flip flips. I think they are irreverant (Spelling?) and I personally don't like seeing the toes of most people and occasionally the odor is not so tantalizing.
I too love WEGMAN'S the ones in Rochester are Fabulous, one of them has the best Chinese Buffet Take Out I have ever had. Love to all . MOM

Anonymous said...

Hey In case Monica reads this! Don't take this personally. You know I love you and I know you love flip flops. We're even. --Betsy

~j. said...

yes, it is x96. radio from hell is a daily dose that everyone should take.

ma - did sarah ever get the perm?

junioraudio said...

im begging you, please stop listening to that retarded show

Anonymous said...

the thing i could to without...

people who cut their finger nails on public transportation.


La Yen said...

That Albertsons sucks. There are always hobos loitering in the bread section. I don't enjoy hobos in my bread.

W's things that must go:
cigarette butts: Smoke all you want, whatever, but pick up your butts so that I don't have to look at them.

Here are mine:

1. I am done with fat girls wearing low rider jeans and tight half shirts. This is not something you see a lot of in Provo, but it is EVERYWHERE in El Paso. Rolls all around.

2. Ditto on the mini-adults. We call them "prosti-tots." It is like saying "Hello, Mr. Molester--I think that you are great!"

3. The Tramp Stamp--you know, that long tribal whatever tatoo that girls get on their lower back so that you can see it, along with their rolls , above their low-rider jeans

4. Uma Thurman

~j. said...

Hey, June! Welcome! Could you forgive me for my morning habits if i balance it out with a little sean hannity in the afternoon?

C. Jane Kendrick said...

Me again. As my husband and I were leaving that aforementioned Albertsons tonight he said to me "7 out of 10 times that I am here there is a cop with someone in handcuffs leaving the store." Maybe we should boycott? Pray for a Macey's in South Provo? What do you have the time or effort for?
Oh yeah, and I don't do Reams.

La Yen said...

I dream about X96. The only morning shows we have in the EP are either spanish or retarded. The retarded one has a hillbilly comedian on it every other day and the deejays all have radio voice. Then they play Clay Aiken. I'd even take that moron Amanda talking about Stephen's Hot Cocoa over the radio here. Nayvor, you keep it real, yo.

~j. said...

amanda makes me want to jump off of a mailbox head first.

c jane - i vote harmon's. what are they doing with that big field on center st. by that subway/laundromat?