You know, I truly do not intend to be the bearer of bad tidings that I often come across to be. And here, in Bloggyland, I sometimes worry that my site has too many downers. But it just occurred to me how theraputic this writing is to me, and it helps, so if it's bringing you down, you're welcomed to not read...just a warning, an invitation, what-have-you.
I've been crying today. RS President called me with some sad news. Someone has died. Someone who used to live in this ward but moved to Springville last year. Mother of 4, wife to Greatest Gospel Doctrine Teacher Ever, owner of the best giggle ever (when she'd let it out), and painfully shy - as in, you could actually see her cringe when you'd try to strike up a conversation with her.
I won't disclose details (the kids in that family, and the kids in our neighborhood, don't even know all the details, as of yet). Suffice it to say she was found in her home - no children home, husband 3 hours away for work. There will be no funeral here, and the family is going to Idaho to be with extended family - as far as I know, they could be there by now. I don't know if they'll come back - and I don't blame them if they don't.
I will say this - depression needs to be talked about, Friends. It's real. My friend told me today that in her psychology class, they had studied depression, and one question was brought up: why would someone have depression? Answers: to mask pain, to get attention, etc. Okay, I know people who have feigned illeness to get attention, and certainly depression is an illness. But the fact that some people don't see it as an actual chemical imbalance really ticks me off. It is not a lack of faith. It is simply that someone's body doesn't work. Just as some people don't produce enough insulin for their body to function properly, others don't produce enough serotonin. That's just how it is. I wish I knew more about medical terms, etc., to back up what I know about this, especially because I worry that people view depression as something much less than it actually is. I worry that people think of it as being along the same lines as the ADD/ritalin phenomenon - all of a sudden, EVERYONE is on Prozac, and it makes people wonder, is it real, or is it just a fad and some people are taking it as an upper instead of really needing it? I'll tell you that more people should seek help for it, and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and that it is REAL.
Whether to get help through counseling or medication, that's a personal decision. But we need to be there for one another. If you're reading this, I want you to stick this in your memory right now: No matter how thick the darkness gets, please remember that you are loved. Call someone. Get help. Call your doctor. Call 911. Call me. You are never alone.
Please believe me.
Can I tell you how important my oldest daughter is to me? Of course, there are no words to completely accurately capture this, but I will say that she saved my life. After my son died, I felt hopeless and even thought about joining my son, because when you have a loss like that, what's the point? I'll tell you the point: an 18-month-old little girl that needed her mommy. She saved my life.
I can't imagine a mother feeling any other way.
Thank you for reading this. Go kiss your family now, and reach out to someone who might need you.