Monday, April 04, 2011

Europe 2011, Part I: Making the Decision

"Looks like I'll be going to Europe next spring."

"Oh?" Darin and I were catching up on each others' days, and this announcement of his was better than ALL my glamorous diaper-changing stories.

"Yeah, with the MBA and DBA students. To Paris and Madrid."

"I accept. Thank you for asking. I'll start packing tomorrow."

"That would be great, if you went, too. Obviously not all the details are in place, but let's see what we can do."

That first conversation happened almost a year ago. Throughout the summer and fall months I regularly vacillated between I have to go, how could I not go?!? and There's just no way -- it's too expensive, and who would watch the kids? I'm not going. and back again. Over and over.

Finally in November, after really pondering the possibilities, I made a decision. It was a Sunday, and Darin had come home from his early meetings to help get the kids ready for church when I announced to him, "I've gone back and forth, and I don't like not knowing, so I've made my final decision: I'm going." And with that I decided to get myself ready for church.

Do you do as much thinking in the shower as I do? My own experience had taught me that when it's difficult to make a decision, sometimes the only way to know the correct answer is to make a choice and see where it leads, which is exactly what I had done: I had made the decision to go on the trip. The problem was that it didn't feel right to me, it didn't feel like I had made the correct decision. By the time I was completely dressed and ready to walk out the door that morning, I calmly said to Darin, "After all that . . . I'm not going. Final answer. That's it.

What happened between that day in November and the morning in January when I found myself in the County building, submitting the paperwork to obtain my passport, I'm not certain. But there I was, my final answer had changed and I was doing it: I was moving forward, and I was committed to going to Europe with my husband.

8 comments:

ash said...

I am so excited to read about this. Part one has only made the waiting worse! I can feel the indecision in your writing and since I've been doing the same thing myself I can't wait to see how it plays out.

La Yen said...

Like.

Emily said...

I do believe sometimes you have to just make a decision and see how it feels, but now I'm interested to hear more about how the "final" decision flipped.

Nathan has one more year of his EMBA and then he's off to either India, Asia or Europe. Spouses can go but it's about $6k. Still debating whether or not to do it...

Kate said...

More! More! More! I can't wait to read what happens (even though I know what happened ultimately)...you're just that good of a story teller.

~j. said...

ash - I'm excited to learn the details of your trip!

~j. said...

La Yen - same.

~j. said...

Emily - the way I see it: that's a lot of money. But if your husband's trip is covered, it's essentially 2-for-1, right? That was our experience...and it helped justify the cost of going.

~j. said...

Kate - thank you! I'm excited to see how it all turns out, here . . . in words.