Thursday, November 02, 2006

selling books at the airport

In my old age (huh?) I've come to learn some things. I use the term learn very loosely; some of these things are things that I've known all along, I just haven't ever put them into concrete thought, or even words. Others are things I had heard but needed to experience to truly learn them.

~It's easier on one's body to have a baby at an earlier age. I don't mean (or advocate) having babies at the age of 14; I mean it was easier at 22 than it was at 29. I had my oldest when I was 22, and she was born one month before my cousin Mia. My aunt, who is only...I think 14 years older than me, mentioned this factlet to me. See, Kuna (my aunt) and I had always been very, very close, but when I got engaged at the ripe ol' age o' 19, she became very concerned. Kuna had been engaged at a young age as well, and it didn't work out for her (wedding never even happened), so naturally, in her mind, it would end up in disaster for me as well. I know she meant well; she wanted me to experience things that she had been able to do in her twenties: go to Europe, be in traveling ski clubs, have an exciting single life. At the time of my engagement, she had been married for...hmmm...a FREAKING MONTH, so, you know, what with all that time under her belt, she felt it wise to tell me how hard marriage can be, etc., etc., and I got the strong impression that she was trying to talk me out of it. You know, for my own good. Well, after I was married and had apparently proven to her that I was capable of being a somewhat successful young bride, the topic moved on to having babies. Her first was born a month after my wedding, and I went to Floridisney when baby Natalie was six months old to help take care of her while Kuna recovered from surgery. I was there for three weeks, and Kuna and MD (my uncle, not cj's brother-in-law) asked if Darin and I planned on having kids...and then kind of scoffed at my answer that we'd like a bigger family and likely sooner than later. "Kids are so HARD...Take the time to travel..." All sorts of other advice that I filed away right next to "Are you SURE you want to get married?...You're so young...". When Kuna had her second and I had my first, we had our newborns in common, and we'd talk. I got a lot more advice from her, as expected, but one day she said something that made me feel that I had gotten some approval from her: she said, "You know what, you knew what you were doing, having your kids so young, when you have more energy. I can't tell you how exhausted I am. If I had had kids at your age, I think I would have been able to accomplish more." Well, yay for me. It was satisfying to hear that coming from her. And now I've learned it for myself. Seven and a half years ago, I came home from the hospital with nary a scratch, so-to-speak -- I had so much energy, I was on a high, I felt GREAT. With this last baby...even taking into account the fact that I have three small, very active little bodies to account for as well...my body HURTS. I feel like I've been put through a ringer (not THE ringer, mind you, just A ringer). I took one Sunday off after Li'l ~j.; this time, I frankly wouldn't mind staying home from church until May. It's not something I expect anyone else to accept and understand, unless they feel the same way and agree; it's my own truth. It has eliminated this from my mental vocabulary: "Really? Why does she need to stay home for so long? It's not THAT hard to bounce back." I'm sad that I ever had that thought in the first place.

~I don't like the white outfits out there in which we are told we should bless our sons. And by "told", I mean "they are sold right next to the blessing dresses, and they are the boy version". I've always thought they were hideous. Again, one of my own personal things. Maybe it's because my other son was buried in one. This is what Bubby is going to wear when we bless him:

(stupid blogger. I'll get this photo up somehow...in the meantime, it's this, but it's got lovely brightly-colored argyle patterns on it, as well.)


~Hey, nienie, you should come see me sometime. Do you realize that I live EXACTLY IN THE MIDDLE of two of your sisters??? And, cabesh...did you leave your cat here? A cat keeps coming in to my house...or trying to. It did a few times in the summer. And I caught it in my garage the other night. And did you know that the house is for sale again?

~You might think that nursing three babies successfully guarantees success with the fourth. You'd be wrong. Sometimes, you think your baby is a nursing champ, but then you get a crack, and then another, and then identical cracks on the other side, and you know what that means (I mean besides the unbearable, out-of-your-mind, screaming-in-your-sleep pain): an incorrect latch. Sometimes, you have to meet with a lactation specialist and rent a pump which is so heavy-duty it makes you feel like a cow being milked, but you find that even with the pumping (to keep your supply up while you heal), it's not enough for your champ eater and despite all the signs hanging in the lactation specialists' office (which I agree with about 98% but it doesn't change the fact that the secret aim of most of the signs is to make women feel guilty), you have to give him formula because there is no more milk. And sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and accept the fact that you may be shelling out another $1000 in the next year for formula because all signs are pointing to you drying up. And that makes you think about when you used to be such a breastfeeding nazi and then it makes you think of all the women you've met over the past 5 years or so who fed their babies formula for WHATEVER reason, and you're grateful to have learned that it's none of your business, and so this is none of theirs. And you remember that your last baby had formula and guess what: she's the most scheduled, the best sleeper, and the most even-tempered of them all. Yes, sometimes you realize that Heavenly Father has a wide spectrum of experiences in store for you throughout your life, and you feel blessed to be able to realize that these experiences help link you to other people, aid you in empathy.

~The best time to shop at WAL*MART (I mean, besides the early morning after Thanksgiving) is on Halloween night.

30 comments:

Tori :) said...

I know what you mean!! I had Tristan when I wasn't quite 19. Alec at 20, Izzy at 22... By the time I had Liv at 29- I felt like I had been beat up. My insides ached all over!!
I have never blessed any of my babies in the blessing gowns. Taj wore a white Hawaiian print outfit, but the other boys wore blue, I think...
Parent's Choice formula at WalMart is the cheapest and works just a good as the expensive stuff.:)

Rick & April said...

I absolutely agree about the blessing outfits. Boys shouldn't be expected to wear satin. We went with a white shirt and little tie and I think our baby was adorable.

Do you really think that it's easier to have babies at an earlier age or could it just be that you are more tired now because you have three others to take care of? The Thij was born a month before my 28th birthday and I'm feeling great (but then again, I don't really have anything to compare it to since he's the first and I'm so old).

~j. said...

tori - I would have loved to have seen the hawaiian shirt. What a great idea.

april - I guess there's no way to tell if it's because I was/am "older" or because he's not my first. I just remember my aunt saying that, about having kids at a younger age, and this is what I've experienced; I don't really think it's that he's fourth in line because I could take care of the other three (at this point) pretty much with my eyes closed (which I kind of did towards the end of the pregnancy). But maybe not. I'm glad you are feeling so good (you're not old!), and I love your referring to him as The Thij.

wendysue said...

Dear wise one,
I totally agree.
With EVERYTHING.
I love the blessing outfit! It's so perfect I even said to myself. I should buy one of those in case I ever get a boy. I hate the little satiny shorts/shirt combo blah blah. I also hate the unstated rule of blessing the baby at church. I always wanted to bless them right away when my family (mom) was here so we blessed all 3 at home. It was much more intimate and I loved it. I'm sure there were people at church that thought we were just awful. . "When are they going to bless that poor baby????"
I need to remember about Halloween night at Walmart, why the heck do I find myself there on Saturdays? I come home every time and say "Don't let me go there again on a Saturday!"

When I was doing the terrible no dairy diet with Whitney and was so finished but felt so guilty, one of my friends said "If you need someone to tell you it's ok to quit nursing and put her on the formula, I'm tellin' ya!!" So, I'm tellin' ya!

cabesh said...

We blessed Crossley in a similar outfit (in fact his had blue piping around the collar *gasp*), and will bless this litlle guy in something similiar too.

We gave our cat to that family that moved into the Morgan's house (I can't remember their last name for the life of me....). Sorry if it's been prowling.....give her a love for us, Chloe still talks about her.

The house is up for sale, huh? Crazy, if you know any details email me.....

compulsive writer said...

(37. And that's why I only have four. I think I still hurt from that one. I know I'm definitely still tired.)


You rock sistah ~j.


(p.s. my favorite time to shop Wal-Mart: 6 a.m. In fact last Christmas my daughter got herself up at 6 because she needed to do some Christmas shopping and I told her the only way I'd go was before 7. She made it. We did it. And it was great!)

Lyle said...

Because I should be spending my time grading papers and not reading blogs, I will compromise and give you an A for a very well written personal reflection.

c jane said...

Great. By the time I have a baby I am going to need a FREAKIN' MIRACLE!

Anyway, love the blessing outfit. And I think Lyle's comment (see above) was very funny.

Now that you live in between Lucy and myself, you will have to decided which one of us you like better. Note: I sing duets with you on the weekends.

AzĂșcar said...

You can do it! We went through the similar thing, and my mom's advice was the best: You, the baby, 48 hours, every two hours, the supply will be back.

Instead of listening to her (you know, because what could a woman who nursed four kids possibly know,) I listened to the doctors and went through three week of their advice on building supply (you know, the tube on the boob, fenugreek, measuring, supplementing, angry tears and sobbing at 3am.) Mom was right, when I followed her advice, 48 hours, the supply was back. You can DO IT I swear!

I am so honored that that little sweater set will be his blessing outfit, tickled pink!

I blessed El Guille in a family heirloom: an intricately knit gown. Joe was like, "...it's a dress..." Yeah, SO? It's a gown, old fashioned, an heirloom, and I LIKE IT.

Mom and mother-in-law agree, their earlier babies were easier energy wise (age 33 and 25 respectively.) I don't have a choice, I'll have to take what I can get and be grateful for it!

This is me said...

That white Gap outfit is the exact one my son was blessed in. With brown, teddy bear slippers. I think some of the older folks were appalled that there was color involved in the blessing outfit. I say it's better than the white tuxedo my nephew had to wear. He just looked so, so sad.

Formula saved my life and my sanity. And I couldn't ask for smarter, healthier, happier kids.

Bek said...

You don't have to bless them in white.... I love the argyle. Nori was blessed in pink and ivory.

I also HATE the boy blessing outfits with a vehiment passion. Gap has some really cute white sweater knit stuff for most of the last year. I considered buying one just in case our next one is a boy........ Good for you.

As for the mothering thing... I agree that it is harder w/ age. I didn't even have to heal w/t he last two and I am more tired then I was with Lu. My mom had her last (suprise) baby at 41. She said the same thing. It is hard because you are TIRED!!!!!!!

Also, I am a formula mommy (as you know) and I am thankful every day that there are choices for all of us.

Love to you and all the Little E's.

La Yen said...

The Costco formula is exactly like the Enfamil. And it is cheap cheap cheap!

And don't tell Azucar, but I like when we formula feed because then we can go out and play and leave the babies with the mens. I said it. I am just that selfish.

If we ever have a boy we are going to bless him in either a Roca Wear G-Thug outfit, or in a shirt that says "Where my ho's at?"

And is it correct to apostrophe the 's in hos? Without it looks weird.

Verification: galnqvjo

The lurker said...

I still kind of like the idea of you blessing him in the bunny outfit from halloween. And if it's true about having babies and getting old, then I am in trouble because I feel like I am still recovering from Ellie.

lisa v. clark said...

I don't take my newborn out FOR MONTHS--ESPECIALLY CHURCH. Once you go to church "you're back!"--let the assignments/favors/callings begin. . . and everyone wants to touch/hold/stroke your baby with their stinky, stinky hands. Okay, maybe they're all not stinky, but they're not necessarily clean, and they touch without asking. Come on, we're a friendly, loving religion. . .

What's the rush?

My theory on why it gets harder to recover with each baby is that:
you have less and less sleep stocked up in your system + more little people to raise + higher expectations of what needs to be done + less attention and help from others because you know what you're doing (it's not your first) + you're older

YOU CAN DO IT! :0) Since you've been given permission to use formula, I'm giving you permission to phone it in. Here's to cereal for dinner, sitting on the couch and nursing/feeding and watching movies mommy wants to watch and asking hubby to go get you sumpin' good to eat. . . phone. . .it . . . in. . . ~J!

the end

Geo said...

~j., you may be tired, but oh man are you a good mom. I am an eyewitness. I was telling Rob about your skills over lunch.

cjane, I have two words for you: B-6. (Okay, a letter and a number. Who cares!)

Hey, if it takes me till I'm on the brink of menopause to make a kid, I'll take one. I'm tired anyway, so why not?

more caffeine, please said...

I am laughing about the blessing outfit because that same sweet little outfit you bought for your baby is the one an only new purchase we have already made for this new baby boy. CJ was also blessed in a GAP specialty. Down, Down with the sailor suites and white knee socks!!

Tara said...

I hear you on every point you made. Well, I have no experience in the "younger vs. older" mom thing, seeing as I was almost 27 when I had my first. But I imagine it to be true. Every pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery is definitely different. While I felt completely trashed after my first two, this one (at almost 33)was ok, though. So who knows?

I have never blessed my babies in those white boy dresses.

If it makes you feel better - I am having troubles this time around nursing, as well. Currently I am battling a major nasty case of mastitis which totally blows. I've had it several times before with the other ones, but never this severe. I've had troubles from the beginning with nursing this baby(I think the fact that he is a tank and eats like a bottomless pit is part of it) and I think you just have to do whatever is going to keep you healthy, happy and sane. And THAT is what makes you a good mommy. Man, I need to listen to my own advice...

Bek said...

I saw your blessing outfit on the sale rack this week..... should I got get one and save if for the next one? We bought Nori's dress before we even knew she was coming. I saw the dress and knew I had to have it. By the time we blessed her, it was on the clearence rack........ but I didn't still have the recipt. Curses!!! :-)

I forgot to mention that I was shocked you were going to go to chruch so soon. I think that we don't even think about going for at least 6 weeks...or 8. If we have afternoon church I make it 12.........

Hope you infection is better. That is yucky.

sue-donym said...

I love your last comment. I am going to print that out and put it on my mirror. (Not the Walmart one, before that) It will go with my "All these things shall give thee experience..." sign. Sometimes it is hard to see the blessings, but they ARE there.

I don't think the guilt ever goes away when you become a mother. I feel guilty that my daughter has had peanut butter and honey sandwiches EVERY DAY for school lunch since 1st grade. (Not my choice mind you) Guilt over not listening well enough to her, guilt over too much TV, guilt over...well you get my point.

~j, you have amazing, healthy, beautiful children and you have been given the gift of being a wonderful mother! You have given your children more that most of the world's population of children will ever recieve.

It's funny that you would talk about being exhausted. I was just thinking after you had Bubby that I was so jealous of you and my sister, because you both seem to have bounced back so quick. It seemed like I was in bed for weeks after having E....I had no idea what I was in for.

By the way, when I was engaged I heard "Have you really thought about this?" at least 15 times from different people. It's a family joke now.

Tricia said...

I blessed my first boy in blue and red plaid and the second one in light blue and yellow plaid. People thought I was bizarre. Do what you want.

I've formula-fed all 4 of my kids, but it has taken me until this last one to feel NO GUILT WHATSOEVER. She's been sleeping through the night (7-12 hours) since she was 3 weeks old. That'll get rid of guilt in a whole hurry.

tiff-fay-fay said...

although i'm late to this party, and i shouldn't really say this out loud here for fear of retribution -- i can't stand goign to church with kids (my husband doesn't go so it's just me and the two angel-demons :) and trying to control them for 3 hours straight). it's seriously the bane of my existence. maybe it's because i was called as the sunbeam teacher when ava was 10 months old and i had 12 sunbeams, her, and me -- does not make a nursing mother happy i tell you.

now that both my kids are in primary and nursery and i have been released, i might actually not mind having them jump up and down, yell, scream, cry, and draw on the person in front of us through sacrament because i'll get about 2 hours to myself in SS & RS. I say we shouldn't have to go back until they're in nursery.

~j. said...

wendy - thanks! We actually blessed Li'l ~j. and Mocoface in our home(-s; two different places), and I LOVED it that way. So much more of a focused event rather than another order of business.

~j. said...

cabesh - I have no idea who the Morgans are (surprise). I'll tell Kitty you said hello. And, yes, the gal that bought your home is selling it. I don't know too much about it...I'll try to find out, though.


cw - you're nice. hey, that's cool that L. did that; I love going shopping early, ESPECIALLY on the black friday...any takers for this year???

lyle - thank you so much. Did I ever mention my love for studying English? I scored in the 98th percentile on the ACT. And a LOT of good that did me, what with all of my formal education.

cj - silly. I love you. I don't choose favorites. And NO ONE replaces my duets partner. No one.

~j. said...

azu'car: thank you for the lovely outfit, it was wonderful. (And then there was poop. But he waited until after the blessing...). And THANK YOU for the leche-stimulating cookies. Oatmeal, craisins...mmmmmm.

t.i.m. (may i call you t.i.m.?) - I'm growing fond of the brown Gap bear stuff. I used to not like it, but when it's just so cozy...how can you not?

bek - you are so sweet, and such a great mommy. I'd LOVE to see Nori in pink & ivory. What a perfect combo for your pretty princess.

yen - I, personally, wouldn't put an apostrophe in 'hoes', but I would put one in Azu'car's name because I can't find the slanty line thingey on the keyboard.

~j. said...

my little harmonica - the bunny costume was certainly next in line for blessing outfits.

lvc - you're so cool. I love (and completely agree with) your scientific formula for why I'm so exhausted. I'd like to not go back to church for awhile...but I need to figure out if it's for the right reasons (ie, right now I'm having FAR too much fun watching all the E!'s True Hollywood Stories while Darin & the girls are at church). I'm going to try to go back (next week) but I've now resolved to not commit: I may phone it all in (church stuff), and have other people teach for me. Yes, I think I shall. I really, REALLY like that idea.

geo - thank you. Curly hasn't stopped talking about you since you were here. Thank you for the visit.

~j. said...

mcp - great minds think alike; Azucar gave it to us as a gift. I wish I'd been on-the-ball enough to have gotten something as lovely. Alas, I am the recipient of good fortune, and the great taste of great friends.

tara - yikes! YOU HANG IN THERE!!! And, like you said, do what makes you happy, healthy and sane. You're a GREAT mom.

bek - 12 weeks sounds yummy...

sue - I think if your kid is as old as E is then the rule is that you're no longer allowed to feel guilty about their lunches. Thank you for your compliments. Is Seester doing well now?

~j. said...

Tricia - lovely. I was just remarking (again) tonight about how my daughter (2 & 1/2) is such a good sleeper; she was on exlusively formula at 5 months. She's the best sleeper out of all my kids.

tiff - ooohhh...don't get me started on when your calling COMPLETELY turns your life inside-out and makes things nigh impossible for your family. It's much better when they go to their classes when they're older. So much better.

The Scooter Lounge said...

I want to congratulate you on the birth of your son. Sincerely.

Also thanks for not talking about your bar-china

Alexiev said...

I love halowen...

cabesh said...

Ceason and Jessica--that's who we gave the cat to. The Morgans were the people that lived in their house before. :)

Thanks for loving the kitty!