Thursday, June 29, 2006

is no news good news?

I suppose the answer to that question would be: it all depends.

Scenario #1: My not blogging for over 2 weeks

I received quite a number of emails from concerned friends: Are you okay? I miss reading what you have to say, etc.. It all makes me feel quite happily befriended, this concern of my potential falling off the face of the earth. In response to those concerned, I was gone, on vacation, and for most of the time in primitive circumstances at that, so I didn't write anything blog-wise. My vacation, however, has given me plenty of blog fodder for not-to-far off posts. You can't wait.

Scenario #2: My secret surprise

Perhaps those of you who've been pregnant before have had the thought, "I know what I'll do, I 'll just not tell anyone and wait until people start noticing -- what a fun way to announce my pregnancy!"

Well.

I had the intention of doing this over a year ago, but a miscarriage interrupted my plans. I had been given a November due date but late March ended it all. My plan had been to show up in New York for my 10-year class reunion and just show my pregnant-ness to my mom, rather than tell her on the phone ahead of time. My mom has never been told of my pregnancies face-to-face by me (since she lives so far away), nor has she ever been the first in my family to know. I thought it would all work out so perfectly, but it didn't.

This past February, however, I put the plan into action again. I knew I'd be seeing my family in June, so I just thought I'd keep it a secret until the reunion. That meant a secret from everyone, including readers of my blog (of which my mom is one). I didn't even tell my kids. (My 4-year-old's preschool teacher from this past year just happens to be the sister of my YW pres from my growing up years in NY, so if she [teacher] found out, she might have told her sister, who might have told my mom, etc..)

It wasn't too hard to keep the secret, although I did get nervous when we had friends and family stay at our house. I thought my over-tiredness or food aversions would be a dead giveaway. Not so. In fact, just a few weeks ago, part of Memorial Day weekend, my sister-in-law spent a few days with me and went home none the wiser.

On my last Sunday at church before all my fancy travels (Texas, Indiana, what-have-you), I did let the YW know. It was the one Sunday when I could no longer stand to wear regular clothes - I just had to put on a maternity skirt or else I was afraid I'd burst. Just so there was no question in their minds, I let them all know that they could stop the speculation and whispering, that yes, I am pregnant. That announcement, to the group, was met with much love and many "Awwwww"s.

Here's the part I didn't expect: the reaction from most of the people I told personally, from that point (that Sunday) on. Not as I expected.

One friend, that Sunday at church, said, "So, you lied about it on your blog." I...don't remember doing that. I do remember asking my mom to stop asking my brother if I was pregnant, but not lying about the fact that I was (am) pregnant.

When I saw my mom in Indiana, I jumped out of my car and she looked genuinely surprised, but tried to say, "I knew it." I say tried to say it because I gently reminded her that she, in fact, did not 'know it', and also that it was my news to tell and to please let it be my special news. She was very obliging. Didn't even tell my stepdad.

No, but my cousin's husband did. And then my stepdad told my brother & sister-in-law.

And my sister and her boyfriend told my dad.

Anyway, the moral to my story is that most of the people that I 'told' (ie, let figure it out by noticing my expanding belly -- the way I thought would be so fun to announce my pregnancy) didn't have as an exciting reaction as I thought they would have. It seemed anticlimactic. Maybe their feelings were hurt - I got that impression. Sadly, I think they all thought that everyone else had been told (hence, the examples above of family members telling other family members). The, "Why didn't you tell me?" factor seemed pretty high.

Maybe no news wasn't good news. Because when the news was given it wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped it would have been. My plan seems to have backfired.

Or, maybe it was all okay and my super-sensitive ultra pregancy emotions are just standing at attention.

Either way, I'm excited.

And...





It's a BOY!!!

32 comments:

jennifer said...

It's great to have you back! I have to say that I am way excited for you. But my initial reaction probably didn't seem that way because I was way surprised. Perhaps a little hurt until I learned that I was not the only one who hadn't known. And then I just felt dumb, like there was something wrong with me for not noticing. So sorry to not give you the reaction you had wanted.

But I'm way excited for you! I'd like to throw you a shower to put some blue into your line of baby clothes :)

MOM said...

OK! I am VERY EXCITED!! It was such a relief for me, I was actually getting worried, knowing that you wanted another baby and the time frame was well in progress. But I know you have wanted for sometime to just show up pregnant and let me find out face to face. So, I didn't know but I highly expected. AND--- I appreciate being allowed to be the first in the family to be told. Can't wait to see what other blogs you have from this trip. Love you & yours.

La Yen said...

Glad you are back. I was super excited--I am just not good with announcements first thing in the morning. I have already been thinking of middle names. Spartacus? LeRoy? LaVelle? Corbin? Eric D. Snyder?

AzĂșcar said...

I should like to point out that ~J did not lie, but that I did.

By that point, you could tell ~J was preggers, but she didn't want anyone to know. She asked me and cjane--who noticed first, not to say anything. It's harder to hide a pregnancy in person (it's also easier when the person in question is really good at hiding her condition in clothing layers and adding a convincing slouch.)

So when the opportunity to delay suspicion arose, I took it and flat-out lied. I got cho back yo.

So, let that be a lesson, if you need me to lie for you, I totally will (unless there is a dead hooker involved, in which case, not again.)

~j. said...

Thank you, azucar, for your undying loyalty, both to me and the cause. (It worked perfectly, mwah-ha-ha!!) And for pointing out my slouch and suggesting that it was used on purpose to conceal anything instead of actually being really bad posture ("I hope one day to grow all the way over and become an O.")

As for the middle name game...don't fret. It's coming.

Queen Scarlett said...

Bravo! ;-) Congrats!!! When do we get a belly bump picture??? I think 2006 is the year of babies popping out everywhere... it's like everyone I know is preggers!!! The spirits are lining up in their queues to hop on the log ride to earth. YAY! ;-)

carblemarble said...

Congratulations! We are so excited for you and your family. A BOY! YAY!!

christopher clark said...

Congratulations! and welcome to the world of boys. It's loud, it's messy, and it smells like urine and sweat. (but little boys LOVE their mommies!)

Julie said...

Congratulations, Jenny! I hope he has tiny hands and feet, otherwise he just won't be cute. ;-)

My favorite way to announce pregnancies has been to cut my hair really short. Of course, that only works if my hair has been growing out for a while. Then again, people could tell last time before I even said anything. It was so disappointing to have it not be a surprise.

compulsive writer said...

Well, I'm excited too!

And I think it's perfectly acceptable to announce pregnancies whenever and however one pleases.

And today especially (which shall all be explained if I ever write about the birthday party from hell) I'm happy for you to have a boy.

And I missed your blog. I started to add the following to my daily prayers...

...and give us this day our daily phread...

(am I a bad person?)

Sue said...

PLEASE tell me I was not the one who asked if you lied on your blog. Like that matters.
Anyway I am thrilled that a new bambino is on the way, and I can't wait to see how the girls react to him.

Thinking about the psychology of the reactions you received, I think that once it gets to the point where people are wondering, once the announcement is made it is more of a confirmation that a surprise announcement. So instead of "OH MY GOSH! I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU" it is more of a "I knew it" kind of thing.

Glad you're back on the blog. My lunch breaks were getting very dull!

jennifer said...

Does that mean you have a first name picked out? Do tell :)

~j. said...

Queen - that's a thought. Hm...if only I knew someone who takes photos of pregnant ladies...if only...hmmmmm...

cc - It's a world I've only dreamt of, and yet now it's so close for me...I can smell it.

Julie - interesting way to go, the haircut. I always regret cutting my hair short. Always. Add the pregnancy hormones to that and we'd have a world war at my house.

compulsive - TEE HEE!!! That's a great addition to a prayer.

sue - nope, 'twasn't you. And I'm glad to add some fun to your lunch breaks. You know, you could always write a blog yourself...*hint*

Thanks, everyone, for the well-wishing and congratulatory comments. Brightens my day. And, yes, we do have a first name, and I'll tell it before too long...

Tori :) said...

YAY! Congrats Jenny!! How fun for you. Boys are, um, awesome. You may want to stop reading my blog though... (I'll try to warn you when it's about a crazy 2 year old who shall remain nameless.)

sister-in-law said...

Oh Jenny, I KNEW you were pregnant. I mean I spent 3 days at your house, I went swimming with you, your eldest asked me if mommy was pregnant. How could I not know? I'm not that stupid. I don't read a lot of books and I know how to pump my own gas.

compulsive writer said...

I know. I think when you decide to announce the name you have picked out you should tell us in code somehow--in a post on your blog.

Wouldn't that be fun?

Lyle said...

End of the line of bloggers....congrats.

LuckyRedHen said...

Yes, if ONLY you knew someone who took pictures of pregnant women, like ME! Wouldn't that be a fun blog post!

Every pregnant woman has the right to tell, or not, whenever and however they please. People who think otherwise are selfish ;o)

There, I said it.

LuckyRedHen said...

Oh, and Compulsive...

Give us this day our daily phread

...good stuff, I giggled.

~j. said...

Thanks again, ya'll.

Rick & April said...

Are you saying my baby isn't cute because he has big hands like his dad? Quite the contrary... www.galanworld.com

Jenny we couldn't be more excited for you and Darrin! Boys do love their mommies. When is the baby due?

Kiki said...

Excellent news! Congratulations!

Christi Clawson Johnson said...

wow. Congrats Jenny. I am so excited for you. How wonderful!

Christi Clawson Johnson said...

Okay... I forgot to ask. What is this about Eric Snyder? Now I know who he is, and half of Provo knows who he is... maybe things have changed in the last 2 1/2 years. Does all of Utah know who he is? Are you friends with him? If so, I had no idea... but not like we've really spoken since I moved..or even a while before that. And I am a teensy bit jealous that you are hopping around seeing world cup games. And I had no idea you had a blog. Man.. we need to chat.

more caffeine, please said...

Congrats! And don't feel bad... at least puking in the toilet at work didn't give it away for your entire family (I work with my dad and he knew at four weeks) and told everyone:-)

Sarah Starr A. said...

Jenny, CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm very surprised and excited for you and your family! Way to go!

Amy said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I never even NOTICED that you were preggs. ;-) hehe

beans said...

i didn't tell my dad intentionally and even when you got out of the car, i still wasn't sure if you were prego. and i AM excited for you! and i don't care that you waited this long. i told you to wait til you went into labor to call mom. :)

~j. said...

luckyred - I'm thinking about the photo possibilities...what say ye?

ricky & april - nah, tyce is so cute. I LOVE his smile! The small hands thing is something that Emma says. She's not interested in boy babies ("I only like girls"), unless, as she puts it, 'they have small hands and feet. I like little fingers, too. Little hands are cute.'

carrie & asay - thanks! Are either of you coming to visit provo any time soon?

jaimerly - hang in there! Were you sick the entire 9 months with CJ?

amy - thanks! and good...then that means my plan worked!

Emily said...

Congratulations! And I admire your courage at having people assess your bodily changes and make assumptions. In my own insecure world, I like to get all offended when people first start asking if I'm pregnant, just by the way I look, even if I am gaining weight. Then, when I am fully pregnant and large beyond belief, I still hate when people comment about it. Leave my body alone and your opinions about it to yourself!!

Anyway, boys are fun. I have three. They are sweaty and urine-y and adorable. They wrestle and tune me out and are highly distractable. They use belts to hold their swords and guns. They build incredible Lego structures and train track configurations. They have bad handwriting and eave the door open in the dead of summer every time without fail. Having a girl in September and knowing not what to expect.

Good luck!

~j. said...

Emily - congratulations to you, too. We'll have to compare notes since I have three girls and am having a boy.

cabesh said...

A belated congrats (I was out of town).:)