Wednesday, May 17, 2006

what i would say if given the chance to interview tom cruise

For the record, are you a doctor?


Are you a woman?


Thank you for your time.

18 comments:

Tori :) said...

LOL I'd love to be there for that interview!

Sue said...

Don't be "glib" (I hope you saw the Matt Lauer interview to get that one).
Is it just me or does Katie Holmes look like a deer in the headlights most of the time?

~j. said...

Yeah, I saw it...and it's been almost a year. I was at my mom's house in NY when I saw it, and it's been bubbling ever since. That's why I had to work it out in this way: coming up with what I could say to make it clear that he's crazy. Seriously - he's the new Michael Jackson.

Tom Cruise said...

No.
Yes.
You are welcome.

La Yen said...

I don't know what you are all upset about. Don't you know that people who are famous are inherently better than we are? If we were as wise and smart as they were, we would be famous. It is Darwinian. So if Micahel Jackson says it is okay to sleep with small children and wear a Panamanian general's uniform than we should do what he says--he is evolving as we speak, you know--he has shed his nose to make way for more evolved, um, breathing. And if Tom Cruise says that I should stop taking the Zoloft because I am just addicted to anti-depressants, I should listen. Also, he has lots of famous people who agree with him--John Travolta, the afro guy from That 70's Show--the list goes on and on. Who do I have to disagree? Gladys Knight? The Osmonds? Way B list. Not nearly evolved enough.
Now, if yo uwill excuse me, I am going to go touch door knob in my house and count the steps I take until they reach a pre-determined number of which I will only know when I reach. Thanks to Tom Cruise, my own Galapagos Sparrow.

more caffeine, please said...

Do you have little man's syndrom?

Is that why you have to show up at events on your motorcycle?

Did you really never have sex with your first wife Mimi Rogers?

Hmmmm....

Julie said...

Hoo-boy, don't even get me started on this! Mr. Cruise, "depression" for you means having a bad hair day or not getting to ride the motorcycle down the red carpet. What the hell do you know about depression? May you be blessed someday to know exactly what it feels like. Only then can you come out and pretend to be an expert.

AzĂșcar said...

When you said that "Nicole knows exactly why our marriage is over" we were unsatisfied. Please tell us why.

Also, explain Xenu, because while I am sensitive to strange faiths (believe me!) I am seriously not getting yours.

Would you stop growing bangs if I asked nicely?

compulsive writer said...

What I would do is invite him to visit my new favorite website.

Sue said...

Nothing to do with Tom, but I think I want a blog for my own. But I have yet to come up with a great name for it.
I need help from all you "professionals" out there.

Thanks J for letting me but in on the blog.

This is me said...

Here's how my interview with Tom would go:
Yes, I did kiss your Top Gun poster every night before going to bed. (Who didn't?) But now, you just really bug me. Really, really bug me. That's it. No questions. I just wanted you to know.

LuckyRedHen said...

Before I had kids of my own I remember questioning every mother I ever came into contact with. Now I know better. My shoes are too big for Tom so there's no way he can wear them.

SoSueMe
SewSueMe
-crap, both are taken-
SueHappy (sue happy)
Suedonym (pseudonym)
Suetainly (3 Stooges certainly)
Sueper (super duper)
Suecrose (sucrose; sticky sweet)

La Yen said...

Sue-- how about:
No, that is not my dad
Provo Politico

I also like suedonym, that is clever!

~j. said...

yen - don't get me started on the Osmonds. They were on Larry King the other night, and that's what put me over the edge to write this post. I cannot stand 99.8% of what comes out of Marie's mouth, and in order to make room in my head for that fury, I had to release the Tom Cruise onto my blog. Else I'd have exploded.

jaimes - may i call you jaimes? - That's awesome. He does his own stunts, and to prove it, he's going to ride his motorcycle in a circle on a talk show. A-a-a-a-awesome.

azucar - bangs. tee hee.

compulsive - I had never seen those before.

this is me - Did you have a poster on your ceiling?

Sue - What about "Because I said Sue", or "I told you Sue", or something like that?

Nevermind - I'm not creative like that.

Sue said...

You guys rock! Thanks, I think it is between suedonym and Because I said Sue.
Thanks everyone.

Geo said...

Since we're all on a Johnny Cash high lately, how about "A Girl Named Sue"?

Kacy said...

Dear Tom Cruise, You're gay.

cabesh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.